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SHARE If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return Mondays
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SHARE Put me in a home, I put you in the ground
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SHARE Dear mind, please stop thinking so much at night, I need to sleep
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SHARE When I was your age, we took spelling tests, not pregnancy tests
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SHARE I miss you like an idiot misses the point
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SHARE If you tickle me i'm not responsible for your injuries
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SHARE I told you I was sick
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SHARE My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed
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SHARE Please cancel my subscription to your issues
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SHARE If you get a booty call at 3:00 a.m you probably weren't first on the list
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SHARE "stalking" is such a strong word, I prefer "Intense research of an individual"
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SHARE Bad hair day? More like bad hair life
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SHARE Young at heart. Slightly older in other places
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SHARE So you hate Facebook? Thanks for sharing that with me...on Facebook
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SHARE Technically the glass is always full
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SHARE Don't take life so seriously. It's not like you're going to get out alive
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SHARE A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad
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SHARE Men, coffee, and chocolate are all better rich
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SHARE My boyfriend's name is sleep, and I get some every night
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SHARE Lazy rule: Can't reach it. Don't need it
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SHARE What's a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
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SHARE I hate to waste sick days actually being sick
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SHARE It's funny how 'friends' forget us when they don't need any more favors
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SHARE I'm in shape. Unfortunately, its the wrong one
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